Hearing the ‘hard to hear’ message with empathy
When we listen deeply with compassion, we sustain connection.
How would it be to learn to listen and speak differently, from a place of love and empathy, using language expressions that enrich life and make life more wonderful?
I wanted this in my life but I didn’t know how until I found out about Nonviolent Communication. Wow. I was blown away. It is a framework that teaches us how to:
1. speak to ourselves in order to calm ourselves down before we say something we’ll regret,
2. express ourselves honestly, taking full responsibility for how we are feeling and what we need and
3. listen empathetically, offering back to others, who may be in pain, a reiteration of how they may be feeling in order to offer them deep listening and empathy.
Let’s look at two examples….. If you read my blog, connecting-compassionately-by-saying-what-you-mean, you will remember this scenario … You are about to head off for work and you can’t find your car keys. You call out to your partner,
Example 1:
YOU: Darling, Have you seen my car keys?
YOUR PARTNER: No, I haven’t. But you probably left them in the ignition as usual.
Not liking this response, you reply…
YOU: I hate it when you imply I’m an idiot. You’ve lost your keys, too, you know. You’re not perfect.
Does this feel like a warm, loving, connecting interaction?
Not in my book!
So let’s try again. Same situation, same opening question, same partner response… but this time YOU are different.
Example 2:
YOU: Darling, Have you seen my car keys?
YOUR PARTNER: No, I haven’t. But you probably left them in the ignition as usual.
YOU: Darling, when you say that I probably left them in the ignition, I hear your frustration. And I’m guessing you aren’t willing to help me out in this moment. But right now, I’m anxious about being late for a meeting. I want to be on time, and I’m wondering….if you could help me look for them quickly?
YOUR PARTNER: Oh. Ok, sure? Yeah, sorry about that.
Does this land differently? Does it feel less reactive and more understanding?
I think so.
In this scenario, you are looking behind the words of your partner and guessing what is going on for them, rather than taking their comments at face value and taking offence.
Reading the meaning sitting behind the ‘hard to hear messages’ of others is one of the beautiful strategies in the Nonviolent Communication framework. It is simple to understand but hard to do. It takes practice and an intention to be different, an intention to speak from the heart and meet the other person with empathy and compassion.
This is a powerful, life enriching way to communicate. So if you would like to say what you mean in a way and hear the feelings and needs of others with more understanding and compassion, then why not come along and experience our free webinar. Come and learn how to hear what they feel and to say what you mean.
If you’re interested in learning how to communicate differently with compassion, then join our FREE Introduction to Marshall Rosenberg’s book, ‘Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life’ on April 27 from 7.30-8.30pm AEST on Zoom.
