I have prepared some video clips from my face to face Foundation Course which I conducted in November, 2022.

Introducing Jackal and Giraffe language

In this video clip, I am introducing the principles of NVC on the first day of the foundation course, asking participants to read from the manual. I’ve reproduced the page in the manual for context below.

As the participant who was reading #6 came to the final word, jackals, she didn’t know what this meant. I used this moment to introduce jackal and giraffe language. In preparation, I improvised and made jackal and giraffe posters to explain the distinction. When the discussion then moved to #7, I took the opportunity to explain the difference between needs and strategies. I modelled an example and then elicited examples from the group. This video clip ends with me setting up the scenario from which the participants will move from jackal to giraffe as they learn OFNR. Here are the two resources I used in this learning event for context.

These learning events are examples of teaching new knowledge. I am setting the participants up in preparation for NVC processes which will follow. Rapport has been established and everyone is relaxed. I’m very pleased at the level of interaction and contribution. I notice that one of the participants is a bit long winded but I’m happy to entertain her contribution as we were making good time.

Language we don’t enjoy

In this clip, language we don’t enjoy, I am setting up the activity, Language we don’t enjoy. I do a quick recap on jackal and giraffe and explain the activity. What I notice as I watch the video is that I began the explanation before I had gotten the post-it notes ready. This lack of planning interrupted my explanation. I will be more aware of this next time. Everyone liked my example of ‘settle petal’ and I feel like they we clear about what the activity involved. They enthusiastically engaged in the activity.

In this clip, Harvesting the language we don’t enjoy, I elicit the examples that participants wrote; encourage them to feel into their bodies in order to describe the physiological reaction, and encourage their thoughts and feelings around language they don’t enjoy. They were able to identify the somatic reactions, however, I observed that there was more interest in the feeling rather than the sensation. The discussion moved into the language of social media eg texting and emails, which was a minor distraction but I went with the flow and valued everyone’s participation. I circled back and made sure that the key points of the learning event were reiterated, namely,

Feelings are found in the body.

The body has reactions via which we can identify our feelings.

Feelings point to needs.

When I do this next time, I will provide a list of sensations to help identify them. Noticing our sensations is a kind of awareness that can improve with practice. So I think I might build in more activities which bring attention to bodily awareness.

The end of the clip includes my setting up of the Language we enjoy and the identification of needs.

Observations

In this clip, Observations, I introduce the features of observations using the manual, p.13. See below. I then step them through the pairwork activity of translating their jackal scenario - which they wrote earlier in the day - into a giraffe observation.

In the clip, Observation harvest, the participants share their giraffe observations. Asking for volunteers to share was a bit risky as it might have introduced anxiety. I think this proved true when I wasn’t clear about my feedback with the first volunteer. I think I was a bit confused in the moment which led to confusion on the participants part. We got through it eventually and the other examples were shared and it appeared to me that they enjoyed the surfacing of judgements and the subtlties of language choices. At the end I did a quick review check and felt pleased with what the group had processed and practiced. We then moved onto feelings.

Self Empathy

This clip is an example of a harvest following an activity on self empathy using the dance floor with a buddy offering support. I had introduced self empathy prior to setting up the activity. While I had monitored each of the pairs, I wasn’t confident that they were working through the process as I had hoped. During this harvest, I asked for a volunteer to share what they had achieved. Leonie volunteered. She stepped us through her translation from Jackal into Giraffe, and her request to self. I was delighted by her demonstration. It showed that she had understood the process and translated from jackal to giraffe. It also prompted a great conversation about the kind of request to self that she made and the feelings and needs of the other person in her scenario. It segued the discussion from self empathy to humanising. I could also see the ‘penny dropping’ around the kinds of requests, the differences between choosing to not react to a behaviour, and choosing to ignore a person. I was very pleased that this harvest offered confirmation of learning, clarification around the kinds of requests and the difference between requests to self and honest expression.

Honest Self Expression

In this clip, Modelling the Dance Floor, I am setting up the Dance Floor activity. I demonstrate the inner dance and the self expression dance with a personal example. I use colourful language and I’m very relaxed as are the participants. I regret that we didn’t record the participants as they danced their scenarios and found great satisfaction in their new abilities.

Empathic Listening

This clip is an example of demonstrating empathic listening. I asked for a volunteer and accepted the offer by Sue. Sue had been working on a particular workplace scenario and chose to use this for the demonstration. In my view the demonstration didn’t go quite as I had hoped, but the participants appreciated the experience nonetheless. So what didn’t go to plan?

I was flustered by the strength of Sue’s delivery as she recounted her story. I wasn’t expecting the energy. She was strident, determined and directive. My other empathetic listening experiences had been with people who were upset more than angry. Sue’s delivery landed in me and I felt surprise and timidity. This distracted me being present during the event. I was also aware that I moved from ‘empathetic sensing’ to ‘intellectual guessing’.
I also wasn’t expecting her to give me directions. Rather than just demonstrate empathy, Sue asked me to roleplay the manager which I agreed to, but which complicated the demonstration. Sue instructed me on what to do and say as manager. This distracted me from offering empathy.
Viewing the video for upload to the portfolio, I notice how I interrupted her when she was talking. I notice that I am wanting to interrupt to offer empathy but also to step her out of the story and into sensing into feelings and needs. This didn’t happen. Instread, I offered feelings and needs, not allowing her to arrive at them in her own time.

What I learned from this experience was

to set up the activity very clearly. I found myself in a situation which I hadn’t intended and which didn’t support the intention to demonstrate empathy very well. I was busy trying to work out what the manager needs to say in their role which was a distraction. I will be clearer about the activity set up and ensure the volunteer understands the activity in the future.
to resist the urge to interrupt, and steer the person in pain. Instead, I want to trust that the person in pain will arrive at their feelings and needs in their own time.

Gratitude

In this clip, Gratitude, I ask the participants to use their new OFNR skills to express a giraffe gratitude to someone they appreciate in their lives. I ask them to address the message to someone in the room. The exercise acts as a confirmation of what they have learnt, and it also gives the receiver of the gratitude the opportunity to say how it lands. You get to experience giving and receiving gratitude. I find this is a lovely way to finish the training on uplifting and satisfying notes.

Video recordings